I don’t even want it to be true, how could I have not seen what has been in front of my face for years. How sick and twisted you are, how you used me when I was vulnerable. How you were interested in me when I was innocent and young but when I was tainted you weren’t. How you built up my trust, let me tell you things I couldn’t and didn’t ever tell anyone else, you made me emotionally attached to you! You sick bastard, I cannot even bare to think how many other people are going to have to deal with this, but I can’t tell anyone. My heads fucking wizzing.

confused fuck up past truth coming out sick

I’ve not made any progress, since the day I met you no progress has been made. I’ve spent every day since year NINE when I’m in year twelve now trying everything I can too either, impress you, make you happy, make you realise I love you, convince you that you don’t need to worry about other guys, begging you to come back, apologising to you, crying over you, fucking you for you to get up and leave or high five me, spending my nights wondering whether my life is worth living while other peoples problems are 10x that of mine. I’m so weak now, you have literally destroyed my life, you left me to get taken advantage of, you tore my heart in too, then when one of the most terrible things that could happen to a girl does, you brushed it off and haven’t spoken to me about it since. It makes me wonder if all these things are in my head? Because surely if they did happen, they’d mean something to you too? Surely if they did happy, you would still care about me and ‘love’ me like you did when I was fourteen years old…

Why is it you could love an innocent child who had no idea what love was, what having sex with someone was like, who was completely unaware what it was like to act like an adult. Then when she is used to it, and she’s getting older you walk away. Why have you only been with under aged girls. Do you have any idea how uneasy it makes me. Either you used an under-age girl for sex and chucked her when you were bored, or you actually loved her and she lost you. I really don’t know which one is more painful. 

questioning life confused hurt heartbroken under-aged 14 15 16 teenage girl first love love sex reality? depression past repeating the past memories flashbacks

"I’m done fighting, darling. I know we won’t be together anymore, but just know that I’ll always love you from a distance."
- take care love (CLS)

(via lovequotesrus)

I hated myself for it, catching myself smiling as your hair fell past your shoulders when you laughed so loudly it made the room echo. The way I held you close when your hands wrapped themselves around me, how I watched your lips as they said goodbye. I hated loving everything about you how gorgeous your eyes looked when the sun made them shine, how great if felt when your lips collided against mine pushing me against the door of your small cold room. How we managed to keep warm in that cold small room. But most of all I hated the fact, that here I was in love with a girl, a girl who made me happier than a man ever has.

confused seeing her love like beautiful guilty sexuallity lesbian